i’m watching this baseball show, it’s a weekly show about the mlb. it’s called this week in baseball….anyway…i noticed this week that it’s brought to me by Aquafina. at first i found it weird but meh, who cares? everything is brought to me by some company, and this time by pepsi. it was alright…until the guy said “Aquafina, the official water of the MLB”

WHOA, GET OUT! the OFFICIAL WATER? damn, man. the OFFICIAL water. you mean to tell me i’ve been drinking the unofficial water of baseball all this time?! dag yo. wow. that water must be some crazzzzzy water for it to be the OFFICIAL water of baseball. it must be full of like minerals and stuff. you know…1 part water 1 part official. i guess they don’t want that other water that’s around us. and here i am drinking some crap water brought to me by the lakes ontario, huron, superior and erie while these super atheletes are having it great with the water of aquafina.

this is insane, though. now that this water is the official water, i guess i wouldn’t mind it as much paying 2$ a bottle. i mean seriously, would YOU drink something not official? of course not. there’s no way you’d see me hydrating myself with water that’s not a product of some big company. seriously, do you want to drink that water that pours from the rain, and quite possibly at one point in history, the spit of some dinosaur? of course not, you want that OFFICIAL water, cause you know…it’s…official…

yes, i get most of my material from tv. this box is full of crap and i can’t stand it. today on cp24 channel i saw reporter with their job title as the “traffic specialist”. THAT’S RIGHT, THE TRAFFIC SPECIALIST. seriously, are they that retarded? a traffic specialist?! so this woman just sits there and looks at the highway traffic and describes to us what’s on the screen….yeah… this is like how the daily show just gives out random job titles for their reporters. like last week, one of them was the wedding news specialist or something.

is there a college/university giving out degrees on how to describe the traffic? i imagine they’d probably have to take a course on watching a tv and a course to distinguish a car from a tractor trailor and in special cases, godzilla.

i can understand if the weather man is a weather specialist. at least that guy should be able to look at map find the jetstream and low pressure high pressure stuff, and then try and predict what will happen tomorrow but can the traffic specialist predict when some big traffic issue will arise?! WHOA MAYBE SHE CAN?! OMG!!!!!

WAIT OMG, MAYBE SHE’S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO TRAFFIC CONTRABAND!!!! WHOOOOOOA never thought of that! maybe she’s just a traffic specialist who works partime as traffic reporter!!! wow, i’m so sorry city tv! forgivness?

hello,

so there’s this commerical on tv, hurray for TV, all my material comes from TV. this commercial is the one where we have quite possibly the wicked witch of the west. hey, look, i would never make fun of the way someone looks, but when it’s their own miscalculated fault is when i have apathy for my own morals. the ad has a bunch of women, and according to the lead one these women are passionate when it comes to keeping their houes clean. wow! who died and made you the queen of stereotype propagation? you mean to tell me that these women are PASSIONATE about keeping their house clean? you mean they wake up every morning hoping to sweep the dirt off the floors and do the laundry? or when it’s their birthday they wish to have their husband buy them a vacuum cleaner?

intrigued by this ad, i went to the website. i never link to stupid sites, so i won’t now; google it. they have profiles of the different women. example profile:

“Meet Lori, “I love to entertain in my home, and when people come over, I want them to walk in and immediately feel welcome and comfortable. So I make sure my house is always looking good and smelling fresh.” Lori, 37, prides herself on her clean and well-organized home that’s always “company-ready”. Lori is disciplined about more than just caring for her home – she’s also recently lost 95 lbs, and keeps fit with a regimen of healthy eating, power walking and yoga. “

WOW check it out! she’s so independent! she lost 95lbs! THAT’S ONE GO GET EM LORI!

sigh. obivously, this ad is just huge proctor and gamble gimmick, but at what cost?

there’s this centrium ad on tv, it gets right to the point. it goes, “is it okay for a man to take the same vitamins as a woman?” (i’m paraphrasing OH GOD IM JUST PARAPHRASING STOP HAVING A COW MAN) then they cut to some guy playing golf for 3 seconds, who says, “i don’t think so” then they go right into saying how centrium has made vitamins just for men because that’s how it should be! ZOMG! WOW! wait who was that man? WHO CARES WHO THAT MAN WAS! he said he doesn’t think so, so that CLEARLY MEANS that it’s not okay for a man to take the same vitamins as women! oh man, i’m so happy we have this anonymous guy telling me facts!

and yes, if he says he doesn’t THINK SO, it becomes a fact! in fact, a factual statement, if i may say so myself. that man has a future, think of all the great ads he could appear in. “Is global warming real?” i don’t think so. ZOMG GLOBAL WARMING DOESNT EXIST!!! can a gun kill a man? i don’t think so. WHOA!!!!!!!! GIVE EERYONE A GUN!!!!!! ITS SAFE NOW. did we ever send a man to the moon? i don’t think so. OGMOMGOGMOGMOGM I KNEW IT!

quick! someone send this man a cheque for billion dollars! thank you, anonymous man playing golf, you have made me a learned man!

NPR Story

wow, okay so i promised i wouldn’t be judgemental, argh. but this is just ridiculous ach. “Notice to be left alone: For an undisclosed amount of time. If you wish to speak to me send me an email, thanks.” that’s someone’s tag on msn. okay let me explain something to you, if you want to be left alone, DONT COME ON MSN. are you stupid? yes, you are. honestly, what’s the point of coming on msn if you’re just there to tell people to not to talk to you….?!@ it’s like calling a press conference, then telling people not to talk to you and then fielding questions…..SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL?!

it’s the same stupid thing the rest of you msn people where you have the stupid tag, “not here, leave one” ………….. WHAT ?! so you’re not there, but you’re on msn, and you’re telling me to leave a msg….OKAY SURE…..because you know, msn is the only form of contact there is in this world, right. so since you’re not there infront of your computer, you’re out of my reach, ZOMG NO, oh woest me, i will never be able to contact you. are you stupid? leave a msg? what the hell? I CAN LEAVE A MSG EVEN WHEN YOU’RE OFFLINE MORON. ITS THE SAME THING, except now, you’re online, to tell me, you’re offline….THAT MAKES NO SENSE. STOP TRYING TO INFORM THE WORLD ABOUT YOUR LOSER LIFE.

ARGH MSN PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING.

when ever there’s a snow storm, or well, when it snows in toronto, the people on tv are always saying, “if you can, stay home, today!” when i hear that i always get angry, well, i always get angry regardless…. but yo man “if you can, stay home” !?@# IF I CAN STAY HOME I WOULDNT WAIT FOR A SNOW STORM TO DO SO.

these people say it like it’s so easy for someone to stay home from work. how many people out there can actually do that?! what kind of stupid advice is this? not everyone out there can do this. sure, I CAN stay home, and my boss WILL not pay me, and at the rate at which the snow is storming, my boss WILL fire me. it’s all good and easy for some weatherman, who came to work themselves if i may add, (and i will add, it’s my site i can do what ever i want) to give me advice to stay home as long as he’s going to pay me. wait…the guy came to work to tell me this…what the hell? even the stupid weatherman can’t take the day off. seriously, do you think your job is that much more important than anyone else’s?

yesterday, while i was in the bus i saw someone reading the metro and on it was an ad that said, “Family Day Sale!!”. family day sale OMG NO WAY!? WOW another…sale! seriously, every holiday is now a sale, what the hell does the word sale even mean now?! i thought the ad was by future shop so i went to their site to see if it was really them. nope! not futureshop, no way man, they wouldn’t be so retarded to take advantage of some random holiday. they, instead, have the mid-winter sale. the mid-winter sale……

OH MAN I CANT BELIVE I MISSED THE start-winter sale!!! AND the end fall sale, AND OMG NO! NOT THE beginning fall sale! ach but phew…oh man, thank goodness for bestbuy! it’s got a sale right now!! and EVERYTHING is on sale!!! YAY! everyday is a sale on bestbuy!

everyday, is, a sale! argh, you know what? all these sales, man, i sometimes wish they’d charge me more than they ever would just so when a sale comes up it’s really a sale! everyday is a sale….we can have weekend sales, weekday sales. and hey, if we have mid-winter sales, why not have mid weekend sale? OR OMG mid saturday sale, OR OROROROROROROOROROR OMG start-saturday-to-mid-weekend-sale1!!!!!!!!! and yo! these sales are the only way i’ll know there is a special day coming up. iwish they had an ash-wednesday everything grey coloured is on sale day, seriously would have remembered last wednesda, bah.

i think i saw one of the biggest scams ever today, and of all the places too! it was on TV! i was watching “are you smarter than a 5th grader” on fox, when an ad about getting your tax refund from h&r came on. so there’s two guys at a bar. both received their tax refunds, one from some place, probably the government….and the other from h&r block. the one who didn’t get his tax refund from h&r has all this money plastered on him and his reason for that is he has no place to put his tax refund. it’s just more convieniant for him to plaster his tax refund in twenty dollar bills! so the other guy looks at him awkwardly and tells him how he got the his tax refund put into his H&R prepaid credit card. WHOA, THAT’S SO CONVIENIANT!

i wish all my employers did that too. darn! one day i hope that my employer will put a checkbox in my application form, YES, AUTOMATICALLY PUT ALL MY SALARY INTO A BESTBUY PREPAID CARD! seriously, who has the space to keep all those bills? the bank? HA HA HA HA……………… i’m really tired of plastering all this money on my body, thank goodness credit card companies are here to help me out.

seriously though, H&R is pretty damn smart for putting stupid ads like this while morons get paid for being …. morons on tv shows like “are you smarter than a fifth grader?”.

okay well i haven’t written anything in a long time, but i need to write about this cause this is soooooooo stupid. okay so recently there’s a report out by the american intelligence that iran has stopped making nuclear weapons. okay so they stopped doing it, what ever they’ve been doing with the weapons they’ve stopped…okay….so they stopped… so you’d think mission accomplished by bush right? nuhuh! he’s not falling for mission accomplished again. nope, for him, his job isn’t done until the job IS DONE. so today, he says that all the options are still on the table, what ever this table must be it’s not about to collapse under the weight of all the options let me tell you that. one of the options, or well, the one option that’s on this table, probably made of oak, is to attack iran. so what’s bush’s awesome reason for still having this on this fine oak table? because people, if they had attempted to make the weapons, they might do it again! DONT YOU UNDERSTAND? they might start the whole thing back up! so the only way to stop them from starting the plan up again is to tell them for sure that they’ll be attacked! cause by promising to attack, there’s no way on earth that they’d ever not restart the nuclear program, i mean who needs defense?! anyway, here’s why this is so stupid, as if i’ve not given a reason already….so if iran keeps making nukes, bush will attack them, if iran stops making nukes, bush will attack them to prevent them from making more nukes. so the solution to this whole mess is for iran to have never attempted to make the nukes!!! but then…bush wanted to stop them by threatening them, now they have, so now he needs to threaten them to prevent them starting again. OMG the best plan would have been to not start the nuke making plan altogether by iran, but wait, they did so bush wanted to stop them, so he told them if they don’t stop he’ll attack, so they stopped…uh wait huh?!



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